I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
