bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
