New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Vodka?
Forever.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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