she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
