my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
