I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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