It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
