this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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