You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
