We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
