remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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