I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
