Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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