Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Randomize
