so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
