I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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