i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize