There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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