He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
