I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
