Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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