i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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