At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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