you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
