I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She needs sedatives and a leash
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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