She said her name was "party"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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