Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
