I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Randomize
