i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
