I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
