do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
