Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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