hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
