Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
false alarm. still invincible.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
