I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
