I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
We need to get me chipped asap
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
