I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
