I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
