So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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