apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
