shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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