I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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