I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
