My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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