I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
