I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
