I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
