I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
