No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
