I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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