We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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