I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
