Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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