Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize