at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
