I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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