we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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