Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
