she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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