Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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