it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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