I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Randomize
