one might say we're banned from that church
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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