I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
