This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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