dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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